Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
