When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
