Sry I called you an 8
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
