He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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