no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
