Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
