I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
