Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is Oprah even human
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
