I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
