The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
