you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize