i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think people are normalizing furries
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize