Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
