Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize