I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
