I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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