I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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