I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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