we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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