got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
