i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
