when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
