Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
