your parents love me but you hate me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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