phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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