Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
