these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize