You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
