Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
His hands were made for my vagina.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize