Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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