he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
