I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
