My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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