i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
