I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
