It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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