I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
