Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
