You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
