Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
