i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
