We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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