So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
