I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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