I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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