so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
