If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
