i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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