I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
