there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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