Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize