Well apparently he's into motor boating.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
