i think i have herpe
just one?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
