Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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