Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm like, not good at living.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
