Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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