Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
