the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
