I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
ttyl tear gas
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
