We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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