she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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