Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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