i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
