At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize