Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
