Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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