Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
