my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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