you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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