So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
