hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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