I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
