the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
