she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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