a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
smell my finger.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
