If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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