so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
