Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
