i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
