I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
