When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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