Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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