seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
