I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it hurts more in the daytime
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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