apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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