he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
