she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They have beer where we have blood.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
