You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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