Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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