well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We left the knife in your bed.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
