Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
