Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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