Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
