We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize