I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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