I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize