he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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