chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize