It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
