I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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