Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
