sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
how drunk are you?
Several
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
