And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
