I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
