my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize