Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
