Jerry, you need to find god
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
