Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize