Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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