it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
