We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize