Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
