have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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