cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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