The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
