She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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