I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
