and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
