I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize