Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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